I have been a mom for 300 days now. I have experienced so much in these 300 days. The other day, Brett and I were talking and he asked me, "So...in her almost 10 month of life...is it everything you thought it would be?" My response was that it was so much better and so much harder than I ever imagined it would be.
I remember sitting in church last mother's day feeling the kicks and pokes and rolls from my baby girl. I remember being so incredibly happy to finally be able to have those feelings after so much prayer. Now, a year later, I can tell you that being a mom is simply more than I could ever put into words.
In the last 300 days I have experienced.....what is the phrase everyone is saying...."all the feels" (I kind of really hate that term :) ) But, it is accurate. Only motherhood could have you feeling so incredibly excited to see all of the next stages your baby will go through, and in the next minute be crying because you are so sad they are getting bigger. :)
I have experienced every emotion. Motherhood throws so many curve balls at you. I was telling a friend that I feel like it is so much trial and error. I have found myself going from confident to second guessing each decision I make. I remember in my early months of motherhood worrying about her schedule, her sleep, nursing, and everything in between. I have certainly grown in my confidence in the last few months, but I have also seen new areas where I worry. I worry about everything from her falling and hitting her head to future friendships to her relationship with the Lord. Because.........all of those things are in my control right? haha. God is so sweet to consistently remind me that He is in control and that I do not have to worry.
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" (Luke 12:25)
This tiny little girl has changed my perspective in so many ways. I get to see her discover new things. I get to see her feel the wind on her face and get excited. I get to see her little mind learn and grow and finally grasp things I am teaching her. I have gotten to see her little body learn to roll over, crawl, and before too long she will walk and run! What an incredible privilege! I can't believe how much she has grown. I love getting to see the world through her little eyes.
It also has made me think so much about my own mom. She is the most incredible woman. On the long fussy days and the exhausting nights, I think....she did this four times...and I may do it four times as well, but currently the Lord is giving me grace for one. But my mom....I see the sacrifices she made. I see how hard it was on some days. But, I also see the great rewards that are to come. I know that I most likely have no idea the hard and good things that I will experience, but in these ten months I have gotten just a glimpse of how she felt. I think about how as moms we just press on each day, because truly......we do not get an off day. The days are so busy. Sometimes it is just hard to be a mama. But, gracious me...what a blessing. What an honor. My mom has already left such a legacy. Her life should be celebrated today and EVERY single day. She cooked, she cleaned, she drove us everywhere, she sacrificed, she helped with projects, she did it all. She was and is a Godly example for me, and continues to push me towards Christ as I walk through motherhood. I pray that I am half the mom that she was and is to my siblings and I.
So.....to my mom, thank you. You are a sweet example to me. You love the Lord with all your heart, and push me towards the Lord. You encourage, and you call me out. You are a helper to me and the most loving and sacrificial woman. Thank you for your years of doing it all. I love you so so much!
My sweet Evelyn, I am so grateful God gave you to me. I am so thankful that you made me a mama, and that I get to spend my days with you. You have made these last 300 days some of the sweetest and most challenging. God has used you to refine me. He has used you to show me just a small glimpse of His love for His children. I cherish every moment I get to rock you, feed you, play with you, hear you cry, kiss you, hug you, and watch you grow. I have cried so many tears as I think about how overwhelmed I am to get to parent you. I pray that I do it well. I pray that you always know you are so loved by me.
Happy Mother's Day to every Mama out there! To those who are waiting and longing to be a mama, I am saying a special prayer for you today, because I know that feeling all to well.