I have been a mommy for over eight weeks now. It has been such a quick eight weeks, and yet the days sometimes seem so long. Each day is a new adventure. As crazy as it sounds, I truly can't believe all that I learn each day. I can't believe how much my sweet baby changes. She is growing and growing. She is getting more mature. She is learning new things, and getting smarter all the time.
I feel so privileged to get to stay home each day. This has been my dream since I was a little girl, and it is now a reality. I am so grateful for my husband allowing me to stay home, and of course that God has provided in ways we never could have imagined. I am seeing God's grace in new ways....because.....let's face it, while this is the best thing I could have ever dreamed of, being a mom is so challenging. I mean...I post her precious face on Instagram and she is smiling and happy. Then..........there is real life..............
Real life is not always seen. Let me just give you some example of the real life I have experienced in these last eight weeks. Real life is being up in the middle of the night. Real life is knowing that spit up is literally my new perfume (not by choice). Real life is being in the car with a screaming baby and turning on white noise as loud as the iPhone will allow just so the screaming baby will be chilled for a few minutes. #inowofficiallyhatewhitenoise Real life is...sometimes....she only wants mommy. Real life is the baby won't nap anywhere but on me. Real life is when EVERY SINGLE TIME I have been in the chick fil a drive thru since she was born (I say this as if it has been a lot...... #only248times) she has screamed her lungs out. #shejustdoesntknowthemagicofthechickyet . Real life is the phantom baby cry that I hear ALL THE TIME. Girlfriend can be sleeping soundly, but man oh man, I hear her in the shower, I hear her on the monitor, I hear her EVERYWHERE! :) Real life is not always pretty. But....even in the hardest moments, what a blessing to raise this little girl. What a privilege God gives us to be parents.
While on that subject.....amen for the daddy! Y'all, I couldn't do it without him. I am so thankful. I know that there are so many times where he doesn't really feel like he can do anything. I know there are times when the momma's are the only ones who can soothe or feed. But, somehow in these last 8 weeks God has shown Brett exactly what to do. Not that it has all been perfect, but he has been the encourager and partner I have needed. I am thankful God gave him to me.
I have also been quite convicted at times during these last 8 weeks. God has shown me that my girl will watch every single thing that I do. She will look to me for advice. She will see me as a role model. I can only pray that I live a life worth her following. I have been reading a book called, "The Ministry of Motherhood." Sally Clarkson says,
"Our children are, in a sense, our pupils in life. When they are fully trained, they will be like us, their teachers. How assuring it is, then, to be able to follow the pattern of our own great Teacher's life as we are training them. All those moments in our lives--and in our children's lives--become eternally meaningful as we live out the reality of the ministry of motherhood. In so doing, we truly give our children an eternal gift--the gift of knowing and following the Lord who gives us everything."
This was so good for me to see, but so hard. I have always known that how I live matters. It matters so much. But, now I have a little girl who will watch me and learn from me. What do I want her to see?
My sweet momma sent me a blog post from www.missional motherhood.com yesterday. It was talking about raising Godly children. The mom talked about how God had called her to homeschool her children and teach them His Word. He gave her this verse when she started having children,
"Has not the one God made you? You belong to Him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring." -Malachi 2:15
I, like so many, would declare that this is my goal. I want Evelyn to see me living for Christ. I want her to see me walking with God daily. But, am I showing her that? I know she is only almost 2 months old, but how I am living matters. I have been so convicted about how I spend my time. Let's be real...when you are breastfeeding for what seems like every moment of the day, it is so tempting to be on your phone. I am so often. I have been convicted to put it down from time to time and read, pray, meditate on Scripture. I am by no means consistent. I don't have it figured out. But, I want to get it more figured out. I want my baby girl who will be so influenced by this crazy world, to know that her momma loved God's Word.
That same mom who wrote the blog post talked about how she skipped over devotionals, and begged for a love for the pure milk of God's Word. I know for me, sometimes a devotional just seems easier. Obviously there is nothing wrong with using them. Devotionals and commentaries are such great tools. But, I want Evelyn to see me crave God's Word. I want her to crave God's Word. In the book, "The Ministry of Motherhood," it says,
"Like Jesus, we are to draw our own children to a life apart from the rest of the crowd. Each of us is designed by God to whisper his words to the hearts of our children so they will feel the call of God in their own lives to become 'fishers of men.'"
There is no greater calling than motherhood. I have already gotten it wrong at times in these last 8 weeks. I will continue to make mistakes. But, my prayer is that I will pray and confess and change and move on. I pray that I will store up treasures in heaven. I pray that I will treasure Christ, and teach my girl how to treasure Him as well.