Well, I'll be honest....The past couple of days have been full of unexpected news, excitement, anticipation, nervousness, and disappointment. As most of you know, I graduated in December with my degree in elementary education. Y'all, I loved my major. I loved going to class and doing observations. It is just what I have grown to love. Now, ultimately, I want to be a wife and mother but, I truly want to teach. I was blessed to get an interim in the spring to finish up the year. I knew that finding a job would be tough in the fall but didn't have too many fears or doubts.
Fast forward to this past Friday, I get a call about a possible kindergarten position. I am ecstatic. This teacher retired Friday and they needed someone quick. I was recommended and things seemed to be going in a positive direction. No one else was being considered really. The principal called me and set up an interview for Tuesday. I knew it would be tough because school would have started but I was preparing and trying not to get too excited or ahead of myself. That is a tough thing though!! Anyways, the interview ended up being cancelled today because of some bumps in the road, mandatory transfers, etc. I don't know all of the details honestly. All I know is, I felt disappointed and hurt today.
In my head and heart, I instantly wondered who would be hired. Would they be better than me? Why them? Why was I not given a chance? I, at times, have felt entitled and like I deserve a job. Who am I to think that though? This did not surprise God. My flesh is sinful and is quick to be upset, sad, disappointed, hurt. I am not saying that those feelings aren't natural, but, why am I not instead, quick to remember that EVERYTHING that happens to me is for my good and His glory. His word PROMISES that He will work ALL THINGS for MY GOOD!! It's a promise. My plans are not His. His are better. I have to look at all of the MANY, MANY blessings that God is pouring all over my life during this phase of my life. Seriously, it is amazing. I am getting married. Brett has a job. We will have somewhere to live. We will have furniture. We will not starve! :) I want to look at this time as a blessing, not a burden. Sure, an extra paycheck would be so helpful financially. However, I only want to be in the center of HIS will. I do not want to be outside of it for some extra money.
I promise you, I do not have it all together. God is using this time that is tough to stretch me and mold me and test my faith! It reminded me of this song by Laura Story. I am sure you have heard it because of it's recent popularity. The line that was brought to my mind was....
"What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst, this world can't satisfy? What if trials of this life, the rain the storms, the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise?"
I mean, this was a disappointing day but if this is one of my greatest disappointments, I think I will be okay. Bottom line....what happened today was for my good and my Father's glory and because I say that, I am choosing to believe that.
Those of you that have prayed for me....thank you! I am blessed to have you in my life!