Goodness me! I have officially held the title of "mother" for 24 days. In some ways it feels like much longer, but mostly I can't even believe she will be one month old next week. I can't even remember what life was like before my sweet Evelyn arrived. Actually, that isn't true. I remember sleeping more, having my shirt buttoned a lot more :) , and getting a lot more time to myself. These last 24 days have been the greatest. They have been the fastest, but the longest at the same time. I have given more of myself to this little life. I have learned some pretty great lessons. I have (I am sure) made plenty of mistakes. I have cried. I have laughed. I have been exhausted.
This little girl has changed us......for the better. Don't get me wrong, being her mom has been so tiring. I have named myself the food truck and she stops in for a meal pretty consistently every three hours, but sometimes more frequently if she chooses. :) There is so much that I completely expected. After being around all of my sweet nieces and nephew, I have gotten to see a lot of different babies with a lot of different personalities. I have seen the babies that sleep like champs, and those who struggle to sleep. While I feel like I had pretty reasonable expectations, I have been blown away by how much I have learned in such a short time.
Before having Evelyn I read this book called "Loving the Little Years," and I have a strong feeling I will be working my way through it probably multiple times as I go through her life and raise other littles eventually. It says, "Motherhood is a demanding job. It is so demanding and intrusive, in fact, that it takes over your body. It uses your body, oftentimes rather roughly." Man oh man, if there is one thing I have seen over these few weeks, it is that I am incredibly selfish. Not that this is some major newsflash, but you see it in a much clearer way. The book goes on to say, "Motherhood uses your body in the way that God designed it to be used."
At the end of the day, when I feel exhausted, I can see and trust that this is exactly as God intended it. His grace is so sufficient, and I have seen it in such a clear way these last few weeks.
"When God gives us children, it is work that He is giving us. Work that comes with huge attendant blessings and bonuses, but work nonetheless." (Loving the Little Years) I cannot wait to see how the Lord continues to show me these blessings. Currently, these blessings may be simple....like seeing Evelyn gain weight or have a bowel movement (amen). But one day, the blessings will be in seeing her use manners that I have taught her, or show kindness to someone, or make a wise choice. Bottom line, I can choose to find blessings in the everyday things.
Also, I have learned that this whole parenting thing has helped me to love my spouse even more than I already did. Now seeing Brett become a dad has been amazing. But, seeing him be my helper during these weeks where I am learning, feel overwhelmed, and am easing into this new role has been even more rewarding. He has been so supportive. The Lord has allowed us to alternate times when we are tired. When I don't feel confident, Brett steps in and whether he is or not, he shows such confidence. We are a team, and while I know there will be more moments of frustration and disagreements....at the end of the day, we are in this together. For that, I am grateful. God is so good to design the exact partner we need. I have seen such a love grow in both Brett and I that in some ways, I expected. But it is so deep. This little girl has rocked our world and changed our hearts. She is the sweetest. There is so much I want to remember about these first few weeks. She hates having her diaper changed, she loves her bath, she loves to be sung to, she loves to eat :) , she hates getting out of her bath, she has the most adorable tiny sneezes, and the biggest eyes. She is a delight! She is growing!
"God has given us the job of teaching His law and demonstrating His grace. We are to be guides to our children as they learn to walk with God. Sin is just a fact of life. It is the way we deal with it that changes ours." (Loving the Little Years)
The days are not always easy. I know we will have days where I will feel like we have rocked it out as parents and other days where I will wonder how in the world I will make it through. But, God is good. He is full of grace, and He will help lead me as I lead her.
We are grateful for this blessing. We are thankful to be a family of three! God is so good!
I will be sharing her birth story soon hopefully! It was a hard and amazing day, and I can't wait to share!